the 28- part 2

Two weeks after my Westchester trip, the pains had cooled down, I changed his name in my cell phone contact list to “Adam the liar” and finally texted him. I wanted him to know “It’s hurt”.

Honestly, the feeling I had for that young guy was strong. My self-ego was hurt. I know I could just forget about it, let it go, time will easy my pain. But I know there’s another way, to heal faster, is coping with the pain. I should give me some more time with him. More time, to see the worse part of the guy, to see clearly the dishonest, the unfaithfulness, will veto all the regret, the good feeling I had for him. And yes, if any good thing happen, it would be nice heal.

So I changed is name on my cell phone contact list to “Adam the liar”, to remind me about what’s happened.

He explained the night” my friend wanted me to go out, but I didn’t feel well, so he came over to pick me up. I went to his place to watch a DVD”.

(he or she? Of it’s a regular friend, of course he could answer my worry texts/ calls, could tell me that he was ok, could stop me from worrying sick.)

“you scared my roommate, you should not come over”

(nope. If I knew you were not home, just didn’t want to answer my call, I would save my self from that horrible strip. Never be good driver, I was so scare of that slippery and narrow Westchester highways.)

He was kind of like yell at me about the roommate, kind of over reactions (between us, who should be the mad person?).

So I understood the landlord/roommate must be extra mad at him, and he put the mad on my face.

“He almost called the cop when you come!”

Now, it’s not right. “look, who would scare of sock wet harmless girl like me that day? If he really scare of me, must be something wrong here.”

“nothing wrong with him, he is just old. Do you understand old man?”

(come on, old people love me. And if the old man-landlord-roommate used to work in the Academy of Merchant Marine, used to be called “commander” at school, do you think he would be the one who scare of a little tiny sock wet wearing glasses Asian girl? It’s not logical)

That’s the time I see the boy-ist in him.

May be I was old, and forget about how to deal with young boy. So I asked my little sister, who is about 2 years younger than him and 12 years younger than me. “Just ignore him few days, he’d come back”.

Ah, just ignore him.

So he came back.

But we’d fight again about the landlord-roommate-whatever…

And I just let it go, decided to write him an email for my plan.

…That’s why I don’t like fighting, when people start throwing bad words to each other. I don’t think it’s important who’ll win. We’ll both lose each self and other. Lose anyway. Why we have to fight. Of course we are different people, but somehow is an advance if we learn about each other, we can double our background.

If we can’t make each other happier, better in our lives, why do we need to be in a relationship? We can just play around and live for today. Easier and simpler! A relationship, in my world, is better than that, where we are looking to the same direction, the same future, like team work. A relationship would help us to reach a better level. A relationship needs to work harder, sound like less fun for partiers, but more fun for adventurers and more secure at heart.

I said my feeling for you is rare and strong. It’s higher than determine who win in the fight. But it’s my side. It’d be my real disadvantage if you don’t feel the same. It’s too early to say anything. We have just met for couple weeks or so. The rest were waiting times. What can we expect from learning each other in that kind of short period.

Between us is 10 years and a half. You are too young and I can’t wait. I want to restart a family, have more kid like all boring people do. I have to work hard for a while, to have kids, to go back to school, to have kind of future. But after a while, then I can enjoy life again, in different way and higher level.

You said you didn’t have girlfriend. It’s great. But if you have someone, or few someones, it’s ok for now, you don’t have to tell me.

I’d like to suggest a period of 2 months, for us to learn about each other. After these 2 months, you let me know your decision.

1.       You choose to be with me, be part of my life. We build a faithful future together. I said I was a good supporter. I know we would be a great couple. Together, we can do a lot. By then, we don’t have to fight with each other, but support each other to fight with outsiders.

2.        Or you decide to choose another woman. We’ll say good bye then. It would be hurt in my side. My feeling is rare and strong. But I will not die. Life will have to move on.

3.       Or you decide you are too young to settle down, you want to get more freedom, more women, more fun and parties… We’d have to part, because I can’t wait. Once again, will be hurt, but I will not die. Life will have to move on.

Or by now, you just tell me if you don’t like my 2 month idea at all. You want to live the life without me. It’s ok too. Just let me know. I’ll stop bothering you.

But if you like the idea, I’ll start by saying I miss you.

You don’t have to answer right away. Take your time to think about it. I can wait few days.

Nite

Afer few days, I texted him

“I want to know your opinion of my deal”

“yes, I would like to try”

So we started the time. It’s still same thing as it used to be. He disappeared, and appeared and disappeared. When he with me, he left the phone in his car, so he didn’t have to answer (or didn’t want me to know someone is trying to call him, just like he never answer me when he was with her). But as the deal, I didn’t say anything…

So just after few weeks, the great trustable bright smile slowly showing a unfaithfully person. I was shocked seeing myself asking funny questions “where are you… what are you doing… any one with you…” something that I had never done in my life, totally not my way.

All of a sudden, I realize the jealous women I met, I heard… because of the way the men treat them. I was long distance with my husband for years, then we’d been married for 8 years… never have to worry about if he had any other. I was with K, with B- even B was married…  

That’s a lesson that I’d never learnt, that when we don’t trust the partner, there’s space for jealous. Since my trip to Westchester, I have no longer trusted Adam. Of course he’d always tried to come up with a reason to explain to me.

But as the deal, I kept quiet. I think two months is good enough for me to ready to leave him without feeling hurt.

However, thing start sooner than that.

One night, I got a text message

“love you too boob”

(what? I’d never said I love this guy!)

“sorry I was talking to my sister”

“so how is your boy?” (I was just come back home from hospital. My son had been there for a while. I was so exhausted and stress out

 “It’s ok Adam. I know you have someone. My son’s better. We are home”

“Are you tired?”

“Of course I’m sad to see the confirmation. Tired too, yes. Exhausted of stress”

“Confirmation of what?”

“Adam. Pls. stop. I knew you are seeing other girl. That’s good to know you even love her boob”

“Whatever you say”

“dating in NY is really a shock to me. Can you check email there”

“why”

“Just don’t bother…I can tell that you’re always suspicious and always asking questions… That’s too much for me to deal with.

“My questions started since your trip to atlantic city. I understood it was not your mom with you. It’s shock and hurt like hell”

“You need someone who will stay with you all day that you can keep an eye on… That’s not me”

“you are the one who changed my behavior. I’d never ask my ex. He was always free…but when I know the pain of unfaithful… but it’s not important any more”

“Well go one with you life thinking whatever you want to think. I did go to atlantic city with my mom. Sorry that’s so shocking to you.”

“It’s easy to be free when you have no job or ambitions. Just stay with your ex-husband. That’s what you are looking for anyway.”

“you don’t understand. He has been sick for very long time. Before that he was very ambitious and hard worker. Was in long distant relationship for 3 years, never asking…

(yes, you will never ask if you trust the person. I learnt that now)

“Or if you want I’ll quit my job and move in with you and you can pay all the bills… then I’ll be free all the time”

“used to think of how to pay your bills if you go back to school”

“I wouldn’t let you do that”

“Well. I knew you wouldn’t. So I thought if you invested in a shop, I can manage, so you still go back to school, still got your own income…”

“thanks for the thought”

I was exhausted. I thought it’s enough, so I laid down and fell asleep for an hours. When I woke up, there’s another text

“Guess we’re done talking”

“Let me sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow. I’m exhausted. Not many days in my life came back home from hospital and saw the one I love send love message wrong way. Good nite”

“I don’t think we’ll talk tomorrow. Goodnight”

And that’s it. Next day woke up, I feel light. I know Adam would never admit he got other girl, until that accident text. When fighting, I can see the immature somehow don’t see when he’s talking or being quiet. So I had given myself enough time to cool down the good feeling for the boy-ist child, ready for someone new come along. At least one time in my life, I learnt and understood the feeling of those jealous women. I had never got that feeling before… it’s a good experience, isn’t it?

I showed K all the texts. He told me" he'll text you again". "Why?"." because he wants sex and you are sexy". "But he has others?". "so...?"

I didn't believe K at first.

But got Adam's text after 6 days.

Such a liar...